Some guys make this gig so easy.

Unless you've been paying attention to the NHL preseason where the Los Angeles Kings are concerned - allow yourself a chuckle at the prospect - you might not have heard that the other night, Jeremy Roenick was concussed for the 11th time in his career by a hit from Coyotes' defenceman Denis Gauthier. By all accounts, it was a clean hit, and a hard one. But according to JR, it was unwarranted, indicated that "there is no respect for people in this league."

What?

Roenick isn't a small player, and isn't a player who's shied away from physical contact in the past; Gauthier wasn't hitting a Wayne Gretzky or a Paul Kariya. He's a defenceman entering his prime, playing with a new team - coached by Gretzky himself, no less - and is trying to make an impact, and one of the best ways to do that is throw the body cleanly. If Roenick thinks that veteran status is enough to make him untouchable by someone younger than himself, he should think again...maybe all those concussions have scrambled his brain.

But wait, it gets better.

Sean Avery, another Kings forward famous for running his mouth, told a TSN reporter today that the hit "was typical of most French guys in our league with a visor on, running around and playing tough and not back anything up." Good thing there are no French-Canadian players who wear visors on Avery's own team who might be offended by his comments. What? Luc who? "Robitaille?" Never heard of him. (And no, saying "most French guys" instead of "all French guys" doesn't absolve him of being both a bigot and a moron; sorry to close that loophole.)

Avery continued, "I'd think if a guy like Brett Hull was coming up the middle, somebody probably wouldn't have stepped up and hit him, but like I said, a typical move from a guy wearing a visor that certainly doesn't like to get scratched at all." Does anyone remember Scott Stevens positively ruining Paul Kariya with a massive hit in the 2003 playoffs? Being a superstar doesn't make you untouchable.

On the other hand, let's look at Sean Avery's scouting report, shall we? TSN.ca has his career potential listed as a "fourth line agitator." He has played 163 NHL games, totalling 47 points including 17 goals, and 482 penalty minutes...and I'm willing to bet that all those PIMs aren't for Delay Of Game. He's also still young - 25 years old - and there are two reasons to take note of that: 1) we're probably going to have to listen to this crap for another ten years or so, and 2) he's more than likely done his share of roughing up veterans himself, being that the vast majority of NHLers are older than he is. But for Denis Gauthier, if you're reading this, there's an upside: he's three years younger than you are. You've got his permission to let him have it. And apparently not playing dirty means you don't "like to get scratched at all," so throw a couple elbows while you're at it...for Québec. And for this Robitaille fellow.

"Names don't score goals. Just because somebody gets paid a lot of money, that doesn't make them really great. Has everybody lost their hockey mind? Some of the GMs have a short attention span."--Carolina owner Peter Karmonos (on the offseason spending frenzy)

Yeah, you read that right. Now, I'm not going to argue with Mr. Karmonos' implication that a lot of players are overpaid, but let's look at that statement. "Just because somebody gets paid a lot of money, that doesn't make someone really great." Well, no, but a lot of players who are really great end up earning the big bucks. After the few teams who overspent on players they could suddenly afford this summer realize what a mistake they've made and how little cap room they have left, the days of insanely overpriced mediocre hockey players will be just about at an end. Perhaps if Peter Karmonos stopped to think "Hey, this guy can really score, so let's tailor his salary accordingly," they'd end up with some quality skaters. Past Erik Cole and Eric Staal, the 'Canes have a huge drop-off on their depth chart, with Rod Brind'Amour, Ray Whitney, and Cory Stillman - basically utility men, at this stage of their careers - expected to pick up the slack. Same story on defence, where the signing of Oleg Tverdovsky shored things up a little, but not much...and don't even look at their goaltending situation. It hurts.

In short, Mr. Karmonos might want to stop being jealous that the other teams signed players before he did, get out his wallet, and start throwing some money. Does anyone wonder why not even Carolina likes the Carolina Hurricanes?

Meanwhile, on Long Island...

Alexei Yashin has been named the Isles' captain. According to GM Mike Milbury, "At that kind of money ($7.6M per season), he's got to be the go-to guy." Now, there aren't a lot of players on the Islanders who I would give a C to, but Yashin certainly isn't one, either. They're really lacking quality leadership at this point, and Alexei Yashin isn't going to supply any - just look at what a jerk he was in Ottawa. Held out on the team, donated a million dollars to the local arts, then took it back...and was a dressing room cancer. Now, New York is in a tight spot here, because with the loss of Mike Peca and Adrian Aucoin - both born leaders - they have virtually no other holdovers who are anywhere near ready for that big letter on the jersey. Janne Niinimaa would be a better candidate, but he's also been threatening to go to Europe and stay there, so he's a liability. All in all, Yashin was the best of a bad choice, and it will be interesting to see how that affects things in an already-tense situation on the Island.

Hi, I'm Brian Boucher, and I hate shootouts.

For the exhibition season, which began two days ago, the NHL has elected to feature a shootout after each and every game, just to show the fans what's in store. In some games, that has been extremely unnecessary, such as the Wild's 7-0 win over the Coyotes last night. However, the score of that game might not have been so outlandish if it hadn't been for the shootout played between those two teams the night before, where goalie Brian Boucher, a contestant for the starter's job, injured his groin.

It is the same reason that GMs have always been anxious when their players participate in things like the Olympics and the World Championships - to an NHL executive, those are extracurricular activities where one's players are risking injury. Wayne Gretzky, the 'Yotes newly-crowned head coach, has taken Boucher's fairly well, possibly because he couldn't find words to describe the ridiculous situation: "I don't even know what to say. I've never seen anything like that...to take an injury in that kind of scenario is just not good."

Phoenix's off-season signing of Curtis Joseph likely was a huge factor in Gretzky not tearing his hair out and marching off to New York to strangle Gary Bettman for the stupid rule that has put Boucher out for at least two weeks. But many people, such as Ed Belfour, who felt that the NHL was ignoring players' safety in shrinking goalie equipment in favour of drawing the interest of potential fans in the sun belt, will see this as just another affront. And in this case, it's hard to disagree.

Now that training camps are ready to start, it's time for the NHL's teams to round out their rosters. Many are doing this by welcoming their young stars-to-be into the fold - think Dion Phaneuf in Calgary, or Jeff Carter and Mike Richards in Philadelphia.

What's John Ferguson Jr. doing in Toronto? Signing bargain-basement washups. Ugh.

In the last two days, the Leafs have landed 33-year-old forward Mariusz Czerkawski and a former Minnesota captain (albeit for just a 2-month period), defenceman Brad Brown. Pat Quinn is even toying with the idea of putting Czerkawski on Mats Sundin's right wing, and TSN.ca lists Brown as 6th on the defensive depth chart. Mike Keane and Bryan Marchment have been invited to training camp, and Steve Thomas is practically begging to play for the Leafs, claiming he'll accept the league minimum salary or a two-way contract.

But what about the youngsters that have a legitimate chance at cracking the lineup this year? Carlo Colaiacovo and Staffan Kronwall could both have a solid rookie year on the blueline, with Ian White probably just one more AHL season away. Alex Steen and Kyle Wellwood could fit in at forward as well. Those two will have a better chance at cracking the lineup than the young defencemen, considering that they're vying for two open spots, with the contenders being Wade Belak, Chad Kilger, Clarke Wilm, and Nathan Perrott. Belak and Perrott are somewhat redundant when you consider that Tie Domi will be a regular, and there are other players in the lineup capable of being very nasty, such as Darcy Tucker, Jeff O'Neill, and Eric Lindros. On defence, however, the presence of Brad Brown blows my mind. He could simply be there to provide a little bit of experience for Colaiacovo and Kronwall, or even as a spare part like other forgettable acquisitions in the past, such as Greg Andrusak. When you consider that Marchment could very well return, or Belak may be moved to defence, it likely adds up to another disappointing year for Carlo Colaiacovo, who has more than paid his dues on the farm, and is being held hostage by Pat Quinn's apparent disdain for rookies.

With the losses of Joe Nieuwendyk, Gary Roberts, and Brian Leetch, the average age of the Maple Leafs plummeted dramatically, and was virtually unaffected by the other additions of this off-season. The rookies that have a chance to make the lineup, and therefore further help Toronto shake its reputation as the NHL's retirement destination, have been pushed aside, however, to make room for more experienced players. There could be tough breaks ahead for all those youngsters...but then, if they step up in training camp, the Leafs could once again experience a youth movement, the likes of which haven't been seen in close to ten years.

In just a month, the NHL will resume play. And in not too long, I'll resume blogging. It's been a long summer, and unless I posted several times a day, there's no way I could have ever covered all the crazy deals that went down; the face of the league has changed in a big way. Here are the most major of those acquisitions for all 30 teams, and only the most major - to list them all would take an enormous amount of space. (I'm not touching the signing of draft picks; let's assume that they've been with the team all along...most notably, Sidney Crosby and Alexander Ovechkin.) See you in a couple weeks.

MIGHTY DUCKS OF ANAHEIM
-D Scott Niedermayer
-F Teemu Selanne

ATLANTA THRASHERS
-F Bobby Holik
-F Marian Hossa

BOSTON BRUINS
-D Brian Leetch
-F Alexei Zhamnov

BUFFALO SABRES
-D Teppo Numminen

CALGARY FLAMES
-F Tony Amonte
-D Roman Hamrlik

CAROLINA HURRICANES
-D Oleg Tverdovsky

CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS
-D Adrian Aucoin
-G Nikolai Khabibulin

COLUMBUS BLUE JACKETS
-D Bryan Berard
-D Adam Foote

DETROIT RED WINGS
-G Chris Osgood

EDMONTON OILERS
-F Mike Peca
-D Chris Pronger

FLORIDA PANTHERS
-F Joe Nieuwendyk
-F Gary Roberts

LOS ANGELES KINGS
-F Pavol Demitra
-F Jeremy Roenick

NASHVILLE PREDATORS
-F Paul Kariya

NEW JERSEY DEVILS
-F Alex Mogilny

NY ISLANDERS
-F Miroslav Satan
-D Alexei Zhitnik

OTTAWA SENATORS
-F Dany Heatley

PHILADELPHIA FLYERS
-F Peter Forsberg
-D Derian Hatcher

PHOENIX COYOTES
-G Curtis Joseph

PITTSBURGH PENGUINS
-D Sergei Gonchar
-F John Leclair
-F Zigmund Palffy
-G Jocelyn Thibault

ST. LOUIS BLUES
-D Eric Brewer

TAMPA BAY LIGHTNING
-G Sean Burke

TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS
-F Jason Allison
-F Eric Lindros
-F Jeff O'Neill


If you aren't interested in watching the NHL now, even just for the new rules and player changes, stop smoking crack. Holy Moses!