The stage lights come on, revealing an apartment in downtown Toronto. The phone rings. A six-foot-one, 205-pound 22-year-old man named Brendan crosses the room to answer it.

Brendan: "Hello?"

Mysterious Caller: "Hi, am I speaking with Marlies defenceman Brendan Bell?"

Brendan: "Yes, you are...who is this?"

Caller: "This is John Ferguson. We're going to need you to hop in a cab and come down to the ACC, Brendan. You're playing tonight!"

Brendan: "Oh, wow! Really?"

Caller: "Yes, Andy Wozniewski got hurt the other night and we really need your bodychecking...and your puckhandling skills...and your shot...and your, uh, awesomeness...and bring some beer."

Brendan: "Wait a second...Ben Ondrus?"

Caller: "Hahahaha...yeah man, it's me. I was just kidding; I got the call-up, you're already sent back down. Tough break, dude...but at least you get the night off, right? See you later."



I guess my new drama, The Trials and Tribulations of the Exquisitely Fluctuational Life of Brendan Bell and His Faithful Dog Chowderhead won't ever show on Broadway...in fact, I'm still trying to think of ways to work the Chowderhead character into the script. Really, he's just a dog, so what can you do with that? It's a hard life.

If, however, I decide to have one of those epilogue-type deals, where it tells what happened to all the characters after the fact, I would have to mention Ben Ondrus' game with the Leafs tonight, and he was tremendous. The kid's all hustle. He got a lot of ice time in the first period, and threw checks all over the place, playing a fast, gritty game. He even managed to draw a cross-checking penalty from a frustrated Saku Koivu. The contribution the Maple Leafs got from Ondrus was fairly consistent with what all their minor-leaguers have done this year when called up, playing with lots of heart and energy, and this team needs a ton more of those two attributes. The rookie's play sparked Toronto, as many guys stepped up and had their best games in a while; Jason Allison even outraced a few Canadiens to loose pucks, and if you need to read that twice to make sure your eyes are working right, I don't blame you. Allison skated faster in the first period than I've ever seen him skate before.

Ed Belfour also played his best game in a long time, and had the fans chanting "Eddie, Eddie" after he robbed Saku Koivu from point-blank range - twice - during a Montreal power play. Will that be the last time they chant "Eddie" in Toronto? We'll know by Thursday...

To close things out for the night, some precious Pierre McGuire Moments:

Gord Miller: "[The question on everyone's mind is] could Alexander Ovechkin be the MVP?"
Pierre McGuire: "No!"
Miller: "Why not?"
McGuire: "........" (no response)

Pierre McGuire, on an Andrei Markov hooking penalty: "[This penalty is] tough for Markov, because in the old NHL, it's not a penalty." Um...how many games have they played now, Pierre? Sixty-one? I would think that he could get used to the new rules in three-quarters of a season.


P.S. This hasn't suddenly become a blog just about the Leafs, but I find myself mainly concerned with their fortunes lately. Come draft day, it'll be back to basics for everybody.

P.P.S. Yes, I realize that "fluctuational" is not a word. It's called "artistic license." Leave me alone.